Of Miniskirts and Identity Theft
by Midnight-in-Russia
Summary: Roy is working late at the office and receives an unexpected visitor. *Gives wicked grin*. Rated T for a few words and a naughty outfit.
1. Chapter 1

Envy studied his new form in a bathroom mirror in Central HeadQuarters. He toyed with his blonde ponytail and his clothes, making sure he looked presentable. After all, he wouldn't want to make the chibi look like a _total _whore.

He walked down the corridors of the building, waving to the staring officers as he passed. Envy stifled a snicker as he realized the turmoil he was causing. The _real_ Edward Elric was probably in his dorm with his brother, asleep. It _was_ nearly ten o'clock at night, after all. He could only hope that the chibi wouldn't find a reason to show up here tonight. _That_ would be a bit of a problem, considering that Envy was using Ed's form.

He had been bored. That was the only reason he was out so late. There was simply nothing to do at the moment but wait for some new information, so Envy took it upon himself to find a source of entertainment. He smiled as he approached Colonel Roy Mustang's office door. This would have to suffice.

He knew that Ed probably never knocked, but he decided to do so anyway. Envy-Ed rapped his knuckles on the door to receive a muffled "come in". He wiped the wicked smile off of his face and replaced it with a smirk. _**'Let the game begin,'**_ Envy thought to himself, as he opened the door.

He walked in, slowly, swinging his hips for the desired seductive effect. He pulled the hairtie out of his blonde hair and let it cascade around his shoulders. He saw that the Colonel had yet to look up from his paperwork, so he cleared his throat, rather loudly.

"Is this important, or - " Mustang stopped talking as soon as he looked up from his paperwork.

"E-Ed?" He said, weakly, letting his eyes roam over Envy-Ed's figure, shamelessly.

Yes, Envy had not only taken the form of Ed's body, but he had also chose to dress him in a very...revealing schoolgirl's outfit - miniskirt and all. He wore black, thigh-high stockings, along with a pair of four-inch high heels (How Lust walked in these things without stumbling even _once_ was beyond him). He wore an exact copy of Ed's usual black tank-top (wifebeater). The miniskirt hardly covered anything at all. In fact, if Envy-Ed bent over, anyone looking would be able to see the g-string (yes...g-string) he was wearing.

Roy Mustang looked as if he could have orgasmed right then and there. His jaw was slack, and his eyes had a glazed-over look to them. Envy-Ed walked over to his desk with an innocent look plastered onto his angelic face. Roy hadn't thought it was possible for anyone to look so innocent and delicious at the same time...but as it turns out, it was _very_ possible. Roy cleared his throat and reluctantly stopped ogling his subordinate.

"Good evening, Full Metal, can I help you with - oh, fuck it. What the hell are you _wearing_, Ed?!" Roy asked, once again undressing "Ed" with his eyes.

"Um, what does it _look_ like I'm wearing, genius?" Envy-Ed snapped, imitating Ed's temper perfectly.

"Hardly anything at all! Why are you - " but poor Roy never got to finish his question, because Envy-Ed leapt over the desk and straddled Roy in his chair.

"E-Edward. This is hardly appropriate...and..." Roy faltered, unaware that his hands were feeling the body in front of him. His hands traveled up from Envy-Ed's thighs and under the mini-skirt. Gloved hands came to rest on a firm, tight ass, and he gave the buttocks a squeeze.

Mustang let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding as his hands roamed over the perfect flesh. Envy resisted the urge to punch Mustang in the face and went on with the act. He let out a breathy moan into Roy's ear, and he grinned wickedly when he felt Roy's reaction pressing persistently up against his nether regions.

"Mmm, Ed," Roy moaned, as he arched up, pressing his erection along Envy-Ed's underside.

Envy-Ed licked a trail from Roy's collarbone, up his neck, and bit down gently, sucking the delicate skin. The Colonel made a throaty noise and squeezed "Ed"'s ass again. Envy felt disgusting. _**'Filthy humans and their lusty needs.'**_

"I've gotta go, _Roy_," Envy-Ed practically purred to Mustang, who let out a whimper of disappointment, "but I'll be back tomorrow or the day after. Can we continue this later on?"

Roy nodded, though he glared at his subordinate. "Ed" reached down to the Colonel's crotch and gave his erection a firm squeeze, before he walked briskly over to the door, leaving Roy in a shocked state. He snickered, devilishly, as he walked out of Central HeadQuarters and transformed back into his preferred form. Tomorrow would be an interesting day for the chibi, that much was certain.


	2. Chapter 2

Edward Elric walked through the halls of Central Command, quite confused, to say the least. Many of the listless soldiers were talking in low, hushed voices, but occasionally, he would hear his name fall from their lips as they not-so-discreetly pointed at the admittedly half-curious, half-annoyed alchemist.

Fingers were pointed at him all throughout the halls, and, each time he tried to look away and ignore the soldiers, they would whistle at him and fling suggestive comments at him. Ed was growing agitated. He had already tried to confront a couple of the men, but when he had, they'd just grinned at him like idiots and asked him "when the next show" was - whatever that meant.

The now fuming blond alchemist made his way to the Colonel's private office, entering it with not so much as a knock - rather a BANG as he kicked the door open and marched inside.

Much to his surprise, the Colonel was not behind his desk. Ed looked around, stepping backwards as he did so. Suddenly, the door slammed shut. Ed spun around to see none other than his commanding officer. His immediate reaction was to insult the man, but when he opened his mouth to do so, he was cut off by a pair of lips on his own.

Roy Mustang was kissing him - and none too gently, at that. As shocked as the younger man was, he forcefully pushed his superior off of him, using his Auto-Mail arm as he raised his voice.

"MUSTANG, WHAT THE _HELL_ ARE YOU _DOING_?" he said, wiping his mouth with his left arm and spitting on the carpet. His heartbeat was out of control as he took another step back, flesh hand on blindly reaching for the doorknob.

"Fullmetal," Roy chuckled into his ear as he drew closer, pinning the young alchemist against the wall beside the door, "don't act as if last night never happened."

The gears were turning over and over in Ed's mind, and he drew a blank. What the hell was Mustang talking about? Why was he acting like this?

"I don't know what you're going on about, Mustang, but get the hell _off of me_!" he hissed, trying to struggle against the arm snaking its way around his waist.

For the first time since Ed had set foot in the office, Mustang drew back, brows knitted together in a pinch of confusion. Ebony eyes searched his face, but they found nothing except confused irritation written all over it.

"Last night..? You came into my office, sat on my lap, and made it blatantly obvious how much you want me, Fullmetal. You can't tell me you don't remember. It was _you_," the older alchemist explained, desperately trying to jog Ed's memory as his heartbeat tripped into a fast, unsteady pace. What was Ed playing at?

Ed's body grew hot where the Colonel's hands had touched him. His brain was clouded with confusion as he tried to work out what had happened last night. He had been in his dorm all night with Alphonse, studying and researching until he'd fallen asleep face-first in one of the many books he'd borrowed from the library. There was no way he'd been out last night.

Unless…

"Was there anything…different about me last night?" Ed ventured, almost afraid of the answer as he searched for the truth, trying to read Mustang's enigmatic expression.

"Aside from you practically trying to rip my clothes off? Not really…" he trailed off, looking put-out as he stepped back, hands dropping to his sides.

All of a sudden, it clicked.

"Envy." Ed said, snarling as he stepped away from the wall, swearing to himself as he paced minutely.

"Envy? You mean the homunculus?" Roy asked, eyebrows once again drawing together in confusion.

"YES, the homunculus! He must have disguised himself as me. He can shape shift, remember? Change forms," he elaborated, coming to halt as he ran a hand over his face. He glanced over at Roy to see the older man's horrified expression.

A very small part of him knew he should attempt to mollify the man and tell him that everything was alright, but it wasn't. Aside from Roy kissing him, Envy was running around Central, causing havoc in Ed's body, and that was a little more disconcerting at the moment.

"I'm… I don't even…" Roy coughed, clearing his throat as his deep voice returned to one of authority. "My deepest…apologies, Fullmetal. You're dismissed." With that, he moved to walk around behind his desk once more.

With a growl of frustration, Ed grabbed Roy's wrist and pulled him towards himself.

"It's okay… You didn't know. Just forget it ever happened," he mumbled, looking at the office floor.

Fluorescent lights flickered overhead as Roy nodded silently. Ed turned around to leave, but was stopped by the sound of his name.

"Edward?"

Ed hummed in response, waiting for Roy to say something.

"You really should think about wearing miniskirts more often."

Ed looked back; Roy was smirking.

Ed's next words could be heard all around Central Command as he yelled.

"ENVY, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Outside, on the branch of a nearby tree, Envy smirked. Ah… Music to his ears.


End file.
